the love letter series: number one

10:11 AM

To the true love of my life, you have no idea how much I adore you. I never knew that I could love something so much. I can’t imagine how your mother and father must feel about you. I never thought about being a mother until I met you, and now I want to be a mother because of you. 

You are bright and beautiful and full of so much personality. You’re curious and nosey like your great-grandmother. It would have made her life to meet you, but we all think some part of her has carried over through you. It makes missing her a little less painful. You’re crazy about your Papa. Your Papa is crazy about you, too. He never got to experience life with a son and I see how much joy a little boy brings him. As much as I tried to fill that void, you’ve already done the job better. You are the reason I moved back out east. You are the reason I get to see my family almost monthly. If anything happens out here in New York, if I meet my husband or win the lottery, it’s all because you exist and that’s pretty cool.

I’ve never wanted to pinch cheeks or kiss the living shit out of something so much. I’ve never wanted to protect something so badly. I secretly feel a sense of pride when somebody mistakes me as your mother because you are truly so perfect. I not so secretly feel the deepest sense of pride to be related to your mother. You have helped us form a deeper bond and a better friendship and I owe you eternally for just that.

On Christmas of 2015 I felt you kick through your mother’s belly and realized that you were going to be the greatest thing to ever happen to my family. One year ago (from almost this very moment) I received a FaceTime from a baby that was about 30 minutes old to meet his Auntie for the very first time. I sobbed in the office for a little too long, then left work early in the pouring rain and drove through the night from New York to Ohio to finally meet you. I helped change your second diaper ever and followed your mom and dad as they drove you home. I realized how delicate you were. I made sure the first song you ever heard was Tupac (it was Ambitionz Az A Ridah). I put goofy Snapchat filters on your adorable face. I bought you pants when I was in Barcelona. We slow danced in Michigan. You fell asleep in my arms many times, but not enough times. We had a Toys R Us field trip. We had a babysitting date. And just like that… you’re one year old.

I love you, my little man. I’m so proud of your mother and father and I cannot wait to see who you become.

I hope you don’t think I’m too weird. 

The Love Letter Series is a personal tribute to people that hold a little piece of my heart. These letters aren't necessarily about love; they're dedicated to long relationships, short encounters, romanticized memories, heartbreaking losses, longing, and forgiveness - all without a name mentioned. Vulnerability is a feeling I've long avoided, so these letters are an intimate look inside my highly guarded heart. 

Photos by Alyssa Timoteo

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