the love letter series: number four

10:17 AM

One year for Valentine’s Day we decided to treat ourselves. We got a hotel room in Century City and ate nacho cheese Doritos and drank champagne in our underwear. We abandoned our garage and air mattress in Venice for clean sheets and a king bed and a shower without spiders. We listened to your new mixes in your old car and we laughed like kids without a thought of our nonexistent future.

This Valentine’s Day, I’m treating us to forgiveness. I forgive you for selling all my furniture on Craigslist then trying to abandon me 3 days later - when I had already quit my job and booked a one-way plane ticket to move with you across the country. I forgive you for staying out all night with your toxic friends abusing your body and our relationship and never standing up for me. I forgive you for blaming me for the downfall of your career. I forgive you for using me to have a roof over your head and for validation because your insecurities would have eaten you alive without me. I forgive you for exploiting our relationship through heartbreaking lyrics when I never got to explain my side of the story in a public setting. I forgive you for lying about your secret life in the desert – while you claimed to be in the depths of creation, you were doing many, many other things. I know what all of those things are now - believe me. I forgive you talking down to me, for being emotionally abusive, and for manipulating me to become dependent on you because it made you feel good. I forgive you for ditching me in random cities to talk to other girls because you knew I’d be there no matter what. I forgive you dragging me along for years because you didn’t have enough courage to end things when you wanted freedom. I forgive you for sabotaging our chance at a friendship for a 19 year-old set of tits that smoked cigarettes. I forgive you for still thinking about me and for looking me up on social media because you are always going to think about me and how I was the best thing that had ever happened to you. 

I forgive you because love was enough for me.
I forgive you because I’ve finally moved on.

Photos by Alyssa Timoteo

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