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Friday, February 17, 2017

the love letter series: number five

I may be hours away from you,
We may have our different political views,
I may not have any money in savings,
I might have just started to use my electric toothbrush,
We may not talk as much as mom and I do,
I might have disappointed you many times,
We may not go on weekly lunch dates anymore,
I know I worried you when I followed a boy out to California,
I may not be as responsible as you'd like...

BUT

I'm always going to be your little girl. 




The Love Letter Series is a personal tribute to people that hold a little piece of my heart. These letters aren't necessarily about love; they're dedicated to long relationships, short encounters, romanticized memories, heartbreaking losses, longing, and forgiveness - all without a name mentioned. Vulnerability is a feeling I've long avoided, so these letters are an intimate look inside my highly guarded heart. 




Photos by Alyssa Timoteo

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

the love letter series: number four

One year for Valentine’s Day we decided to treat ourselves. We got a hotel room in Century City and ate nacho cheese Doritos and drank champagne in our underwear. We abandoned our garage and air mattress in Venice for clean sheets and a king bed and a shower without spiders. We listened to your new mixes in your old car and we laughed like kids without a thought of our nonexistent future.

This Valentine’s Day, I’m treating us to forgiveness. I forgive you for selling all my furniture on Craigslist then trying to abandon me 3 days later - when I had already quit my job and booked a one-way plane ticket to move with you across the country. I forgive you for staying out all night with your toxic friends abusing your body and our relationship and never standing up for me. I forgive you for blaming me for the downfall of your career. I forgive you for using me to have a roof over your head and for validation because your insecurities would have eaten you alive without me. I forgive you for exploiting our relationship through heartbreaking lyrics when I never got to explain my side of the story in a public setting. I forgive you for lying about your secret life in the desert – while you claimed to be in the depths of creation, you were doing many, many other things. I know what all of those things are now - believe me. I forgive you talking down to me, for being emotionally abusive, and for manipulating me to become dependent on you because it made you feel good. I forgive you for ditching me in random cities to talk to other girls because you knew I’d be there no matter what. I forgive you dragging me along for years because you didn’t have enough courage to end things when you wanted freedom. I forgive you for sabotaging our chance at a friendship for a 19 year-old set of tits that smoked cigarettes. I forgive you for still thinking about me and for looking me up on social media because you are always going to think about me and how I was the best thing that had ever happened to you. 

I forgive you because love was enough for me.
I forgive you because I’ve finally moved on.






Photos by Alyssa Timoteo

Thursday, February 9, 2017

the love letter series: number three

It didn’t take long to know that this was something different. We met at the end of December. It was a spontaneous Sunday afternoon. The last time I felt this way about meeting somebody was over five years ago. That person is gone but the damage is done and I have the scars on my heart to show for it. I warned you about this, but we made jokes about an unrealistic future anyway because it all seemed to be too good to be true. I’ll remember how that Sunday afternoon felt as vividly as I remember the same feeling five years ago. 

The problem is, I bought into those jokes that we made for the first time since the damage had been done. I lit my heart and my mind on fire and let them run wild with the idea of possibility. We had similar interests and paths, a path that no other person has been able to relate to. You intrigued me with your creative success and intellect, your degenerate past and the marks on your body to tell the story of each friend who didn’t make it like you did, your passion for feminism and good hip-hop. You had multiple layers and stories and I wanted to know every single one of them.

And it was all a lie.
But still, all I want to do is kiss you again. 



The Love Letter Series is a personal tribute to people that hold a little piece of my heart. These letters aren't necessarily about love; they're dedicated to long relationships, short encounters, romanticized memories, heartbreaking losses, longing, and forgiveness - all without a name mentioned. Vulnerability is a feeling I've long avoided, so these letters are an intimate look inside my highly guarded heart. 



Photos by Alyssa Timoteo